The Jab

Sunday and the thirty-eighth Covid blog.💉

Today is ‘World Poetry Day’ a day which we seem to forget in England and instead it seems, place far more importance on ‘National Poetry Day’ in October. I have no idea why, considering the art of poetry is worldwide.

This week I like many of us, continue to ride in the front seat of the emotional Coronacoaster carriage and most especially if someone is kind. I think as we edge nearer to life beginning again it is inevitable for some of us, as this last lockdown seems to have lasted forever.

On Friday I received my first vaccination, so odd that it has been something I have been looking forward to. There was a strange feeling of cameraderie at the vaccination centre, people were friendly and it almost felt surreal to find myself in this situation. Every now and then this pandemic hits me, as I am sure it does us all.

Everything was quick and painless and it almost felt far too small for something so momentous in time. I was asked to wait in my car for ten minutes before I drove home. During this time I text my girls to tell them and of course I proudly presented my sticker like a small child.

I was told to expect mild side effects, a small price to pay of course.
What I didn’t expect was my emotional reaction as I drove home. The tears almost instantly began to fall and although there is a reason at this present time in our history, it still came as a surprise.

So in honour of ‘World Poetry Day’ this is exactly why…

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We have been informed in Britain that this weekend has seen a record amount of vaccinations and I am proud to be a part of that statistic and although I had a few of those side effects, I am looking forward to the next one and life becoming near normal once more, for us all.

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Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Candles

Sunday and the thirty-seventh blog. 🤍

Today in England it is Mother’s Day, a day when sons and daughters celebrate their mother’s. This year once more is different.

For many it is a day when most will not be able to hug their mums. My daughters have already told me how much they love and appreciate me this morning but for me this relationship is, and always has been, a three way street.

I find myself in a strange position this year, I think Covid has compounded so many feelings. I am really missing my mum and far more than usual today.

My life has changed so much over the last few years and not having her advice has been hard, sharing the things that I felt only she, would understand.

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This has been such a difficult week in so many ways. I am incredibly lucky that in returning to work meant I would at least see one of my daughters and it has truly made a difference, even though we are still following the rules and have not yet hugged.

Our mothers are our first teachers and one of those first lessons we are taught especially as daughters, is how to keep ourselves safe.

I know without asking that every woman follows the same code, keys in your hand, wear shoes you can run in if you are going to be on your own. Choose a train carriage with lots of people, I would like to say it changes as you get older, but it doesn’t.

I started this blog with stories of my first solo holiday it’s sole intention to help and empower women to show that you can holiday alone and at an older age when perhaps some do not feel as brave but I also knew I would need to include how to keep yourself safe.

I wrote how intimidated and nervous I felt when I was catcalled which took me by surprise as a middle aged woman. Which says it all, it was just something I grew to expect when I was younger.

I wanted to share my solutions to keeping and feeling safe. Something as a woman you always have to prepare for and something we automatically take as red but we really shouldn’t have to.

I know that my daughter will educate her son, and it is something she is already sad about, it is always the minority that affect the majority.

Yesterday I lit a candle, not just for Sarah Everard but for all women. There has been so much on social media both the good and the bad but this is being talked about and that can only be a good thing.

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The fact that this has taken yet another life for voices to be heard is yet another tragedy.

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So this blog is with thanks, to all the strong women in our lives, who taught us and continue to teach us, in a week that began with International Women’s day and proved one more, we are ‘always’ stronger together.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx


Wonderful

Sunday and the thirty-sixth Covid blog.
There hasn’t really been anything of note this week, the days seem to be rolling into each other as we continue with this extraordinary time in all our lives.

The one thing to keep us going in Britain at present is the ‘Roadmap’ our government shared with the nation this week and the phrase ‘we will follow the data not dates’ then preceding to enlighten us with a range of multiple dates and timings, this being the beginning of our old lives again.

The magic month and date chosen is the 21st of June 2021. The day when all restrictions are lifted and we finally embrace our family and friends and our lives once more become ‘normal’ again.

The sceptic in me is doubtful that on this day life will be magically restored. Life is littered with obstacles and rarely goes exactly the way we planned and I suspect this will be much the same. This virus has a habit of changing and the vision of us dancing in the streets on this date, arm in arm with each other is probably a little further from the truth.

However, I am cautiously optimistic, that by this date things will have at least moved in the right direction and that we will be towards the end of that tunnel. Perhaps with one foot outside and that not too long after, the other foot will follow.

With this in mind, I have been thinking of all the things I want to do, much like all of us I would imagine. It is edging ever closer and although it may not happen as quickly or exactly how we would like it to, those flowers are beginning to appear.
These thoughts have certainly helped me and I think it is something we all need to keep us going.

Here are a few of mine:

Life

When this is over, I want to hug a random stranger in the street and say, isn’t this wonderful?

When this is over, I want to drink a glass of red wine with my friends and say, isn’t this wonderful?

When this is over, I want to dance like before in the mud, wearing wellies, in the sequin skirt I bought for Christmas and say, isn’t this wonderful?

When this is over, I want to take the tube to St Paul’s and feel her beating heart, and stride across the metal bridge, and listen to the sounds of life, and watch Shakespeare with a promised friend, and say, isn’t this wonderful?

When this is over, I want to share poetry in a tiny space, crowded with noise, and clinking glasses, and hope that they will say, isn’t this wonderful?

But first, before all of this, you, you my beloveds, you, my flesh and my bone, I will hold you, tightly, until we begin to heal, and finally we say

Isn’t. this. wonderful.

Joy M Louisa


Our lives really are changing and Spring is coming. The nights are lighter and signs of new beginnings are everywhere.

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This pretty little sign was seen on a recent walk. We need to keep looking for the tiny flowers, to have faith and soon those buds of life will be everywhere.

Stay Strong and Safe,

Joy xxx

For Merry

Sunday and the thirty-fifth Covid blog.

I found myself this week feeling a little despondent and I think it’s how we are all feeling right now. My messages through text or zoom and phone call conversations all confirm the same thing.

This week has been half term and I haven’t been able to see my family or visit friends or just be me. I had good intentions but found a general feeling of apathy to be my nemesis.

Despite this I did go for several walks and I felt as if signs were indicating a path for me to follow. I truly believe we are sent messages.

Sometimes they are obvious, sometimes hard to read or out of place and occasionally for me, sometimes out of time.

I intended to write about something I saw on my walk that was very much out of place but as always with life, things change.

My blog was going swimmingly in this direction until I was distracted with another sign, a sign which made me feel it was a story needing to be told. I spoke to a friend this week about a related incident but I had forgotten her story, a story that matters, people matter.

The past has touched me very gently this week, it has both reminded me and taught me things and so I may not have painted those walls on my to do list but I have rested, recharged and remembered and sometimes that is more important.

My blog is about connections and It does not always matter how brief, what matters is that they were a part of our lives and they left a memory.

Over the past few weeks in Britain there has been a poignant series shown on television written by Russell T Davis about life in the 1980’s during the HIV/AIDS crisis in the UK. I still remember the adverts and the leaflets, the stigma and the ignorance that surrounded this time.

I have watched several plays which highlighted these events, ‘Holding the Man’ adapted from the book of the same name by Timothy Conigrave and ‘Angels in America’ which played at The National in London. Two incredible plays which left me broken, this series did the same.

When you look at statistics and the fact that to date AIDS has taken the lives of over 23 million people it puts things into perspective regarding our current crisis.

This is the story of one of those lives:

As an educator I always tell my students that this time is one they will not forget, that certain memories will stay with them forever, the good and the bad and most especially now. This time of online teaching, masks, hand sanitiser and sitting down to disinfected desks.

At school I was a member of the drama club which meant I met pupils I would not have normally been friends with. Mostly because they were in a different year to me.

One such friend was a girl called Merry Sajiwandani. Merry was the younger sister of another drama member Yamikco, who was a year above me in school.

The thing I remember most about Merry was her smile, she smiled such a lot and always seemed to be happy. Something I felt very apt considering her name and our names connected us. Joy and Merry.

Whenever we passed in the corridor we would call each other by our names due to this connection. Not everyone did, it was usually just ‘Whatcha’ but with us it always ended in our names. “Whatcha Merry” Whatcha Joy” and then that smile.

It was a long time after I left school and a chance conversation that I found out what had happened to Merry:

Merry had travelled to Zimbabwe to visit relatives, she was pregnant but not due to give birth until complications arrived and her stay needed to be extended. Merry gave birth prematurely to her son and needed a blood transfusion. Merry was given blood contaminated with the HIV/AIDS virus.

I am not really sure how old Merry’s son was when she died and of all the correct details I just remember how incredibly sad I was when I was told this story through a chance conversation with an old friend.

I have been clearing cupboards this week and I found my school memory box and all of my drama production programmes. I read Merry’s name and again I cried.
This morning a memory popped up on Facebook, an image of a program I had shared seven years ago one bearing her name. It felt like a sign, a story that was asking to be shared.

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I remember that during this time, blood began to be tested far more rigorously before being given to patients and then finally tested in regions of Africa. Something postive to come from so many tragedies.

Once again this is a story of connection and although it doesn’t feel such ‘ A Joyful Connection’ in a way it was.

I was given a memory to share, one of a little girl with a smile that for a short time was a part of my life. One that brightened my day every time we met.

Thank you Merry.

With Love,

Joy xxx

A Perfect Mistake

Sunday and the thirty-fourth Covid blog. ❤️

So, it finally snowed and the world was once again magical for a little while. There really isn’t much left now which seems such a shame with today being traditionally, a day full of romance.

Snow always feels romantic and most especially when it first falls, just before the very first step has left a trace.

Like everything, today for couples may be a very different day while for others nothing changes, or it may be a day that reminds us of change.

Some things it seems at last are beginning to flourish with kindness and seemingly growing with the times. I recently received two such emails from businesses asking if I wanted to opt out of emails for upcoming days of celebrations. So astute when there are times that remind us of loss.

I opted out of both, the second being for England’s Mother’s Day notifications and while I am happy for others, being reminded to send flowers to that one person who is no longer here is difficult and for those too whom the day brings heartbreak. So bravo, to those caring and sensitive companies that put others first before profit.

Yet again though, it feels another day lost to Covid when the world should be so full of life and love. I have a picture in my head fulled by the images of VJ Day in Times Square. A vision of people kissing and hugging and dancing in the streets, when this awful pandemic is finally over.

Of course this will be far from the truth, the world will need to be cautious for a very long time to come, as it too will need to heal.

However, the news seem to be encouraging and it looks as if we are heading in the right direction and that is something to quietly celebrate, as we hold on tight to the thought that summer may well be our salvation and a time of new beginnings.

So, in the tradition of Valentine’s Day, a love poem seemed apt. Not one of mine, for this is a far more extraordinary offering.

I read this online and it blew me away. Flora is only thirteen, the same age as Juliette when she met her Romeo.

I love that the second stanza has two letters missing, for me this typo shows that love is never ever perfect, I don’t think it’s supposed to be.

That’s how we know it’s love.

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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️

Joy xxx




Spilt Milk

Sunday and the thirty-third Covid blog. ❄️

According to the weather reports, I should have awoken this morning to a blanket of snow. I did not, instead it rained constantly throughout the night and although my weather app is adamant of snow showers today, I am far from convinced that if it arrives it will settle.

Despite its problems I love snow, it makes the world look magical, from the trees bathed in soft, white, silence to the wheelie bin topped in winter’s glory. The world feels so special when it snows, full of hope and childhood memories. I still get excited when it snows and I hope that will never stop.

Yesterday, I went for a long walk in anticipation of the promised forecast, it feel prudent. Although I adore snow, I do not adore ice.

As I walked my usual route, the bleakness of winter’s landscape seemed a little melancholy but thankfully the fields held their own surprises.

A gaggle of ‘Canadian Geese’ cheered me, as did the welcome sight of the grey gelding and although he was too far away for me to say hello, the familiar felt comforting and made me smile.

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During my working week, like Harry Potter I live under the stairs, which allows my father the courtesy of leading a normal life. Like most of us I am usually at work during the day and being a social butterfly I am quite often here there and everywhere and especially at weekends, which is why it works.

Not that we don’t get along, of course we do and I love him dearly, my dad is my absolute hero but being in each other’s pockets this time around has been difficult.

The nature of my job changing to teaching online live lessons, means there is now a need for a quiet environment, something my incredibly deaf and noisy father isn’t used to. Most especially, as I am not usually at home during the day.

I understand of course but when you live in an open plan house, sitting at the dinning room table, trying to teach with enthusiasm and gusto whilst someone is noisily emptying the dishwasher or opening parcels leads to several heated discussions.

The thing is I understand, when you are older and used to doing your own thing, of course it’s going to feel as if you can’t breathe in your own home.

So, Reg to the rescue with his aptitude for problem solving, built me a work station under the stairs which has worked perfectly, I can shut the kitchen and living room doors and cocoon myself away, allowing Reg to crash and bang to his hearts content.

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I intend to paint the wall at half term and brighten it up a bit, as it seems I will be living there a little longer. It will also make sense to use it at weekends now that everything is in one place.

However, despite this being a great solution, sitting for hours under the stairs is isolating and like us all, I am up and down on this current coronacoaster.

Life is incredibly tough, not seeing our family and our friends in person and generally being unable to join in life is really taking its toll.

We are social animals, we are not meant to shut ourselves away and last week culminated in a mini meltdown whilst literally crying over spilt milk.

A day when everything felt a little hopeless but having a really good cry helped me. After a difficult and challenging day of technical gremlins and trying to teach a blank screen of pupils, dropping a whole carton of Almond Milk was the straw that broke the camel’s back!

Eaten by Dogs

One of those days

When the world feels wrong

One of those days

When you feel lost

One of those days

When your heart hurts

One of those days

When you spill milk

One of those days

When every letter is a bill

One of those days

When you can’t hear life’s song

One of those days

When tears fall

One of those days

When sadness lives

One of those days

Convincing yourself

This is all there will ever be:

Growing old

Dying alone

Circled by pigeons

Eaten by dogs

Joy M Louisa

I sent this poem to a few of my friends who said ‘Yes!’ This this was ‘exactly’ how ‘they’ had been feeling and so I felt it was important to share.

To remember that it’s ok to feel like this and to try and be kind to ourselves, to remember we are in all in such an extraordinary situation and one that we are constantly having to adapt with every strange and new problem this virus brings.

To coin a phrase “it’s okay to not be okay right now” and to hold on to the thought that the world really is beginning to change in the right direction. Having a good cry helped me immensely. I hope in some way this poem may help you too.

And for the record, the last two lines are meant to make you smile. I have a friend with a very real fear of pigeons and I figured that there aren’t many vultures in Essex.

Maybe a few lions though. 🦁

Be kind on yourselves.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Zsuzsanna Blau


My blog has always been about connections, some-times connecting those thoughts and feelings with others and sometimes it is about the people I meet.

I believe people come into our lives for a reason, I believe it isn’t chance, no matter how fleeting. I feel we connect, disconnect and reconnect, as we follow along life's path.

One of my favourite poets Benjamin Zephaniah, proclaims “People will always need people.” At this present time, his words resonate louder than ever.

This week saw a day when we remember the Six Million Jews who were slaughtered in the Holocaust of WWII along with those deemed different and imperfect.

My mother used to tell a story of a man who always walked by her house when she was a small child. My mother would sit on the window seat while reading or just looking out of the window, this gentleman would always wave and my mother would always wave back.

Whenever she saw him outside with my grandma he would greet them, addressing my mother as Rachel.
“Hello Rachel, how are you today?” My mother’s name was Margaret.

When my mother was old enough she asked my grandma why he always called her Rachel. My grandma explained that he had lost his entire family in the Holocaust. My grandma thought perhaps my mother looked like his little girl. My mother always answered to Rachel when they met, even when she grew up.

There are people we meet that stay in our hearts and those we are destined to meet. The story I am about to impart is one that is ingrained on my very soul.

Working in education allows me the chance to meet extraordinary people. Yet none have touched me or stayed with me as that of Zsuzanna Blau.

Before I began to teach, I was a Teacher’s Assistant and I was given the chance by my colleague and close friend to join our pupils in their History class to meet a Holocaust Survivor and hear her speak.

These pupils were in absolute silence and I could not have been prouder at the respect they showed this little elderly lady, a lady you would pass in the street without knowing what an incredible human being she really is.

She told her story with such humility it was difficult to hold my emotions inside.

Zsuzanna Blau was born in Hungary in 1930 she had one brother called Laci. Her father owned a bakery and she recalled a time when the Nazi soldiers came to dig up their back garden to look for evidence whilst claiming that her father and been murdering gentile children and baking them into bread.

At this time the wearing of a yellow Star of David to identify all Jews was compulsory.

Later a letter from the council was sent to ask all Jewish men to attend a meeting about the welfare of their families.
Zsuzanna said she remembered her father leaving their home that evening following the council’s order. She never saw him again.

Zsuzanna, her mother and brother were later taken to the death camp Auschwitz. Zsuzanna was fourteen years old and her brother just a little older.
She took a portable sewing machine with her as they were told they were being sent to work and she thought she would be able to make things.

As a survivor she told her story to Stephen Spielberg for the film ‘Schindler’s List’ and at the beginning of the film a little girl is seen clutching a sewing machine as they wade through the mud to the camp.

When they arrived they were immediately separated into groups. Both men and women were divided and she did not see her brother Laci again until after the war. Her mother was assigned to an older group of women and taken directly to the gas chambers.

Zsuzanna being young and healthy was set to work and then ten weeks later sent to an armaments factory in Germany. Where she was eventually liberated by the British army and where she was hospitalised for tuberculosis, typhoid and severe malnutrition.

During her time at Auschwitz she witnessed and was subjected to many atrocities. I remember her lifting her sleeve to show the tattoo that all received in these death camps, branded like human cattle.

I remember trying to hold back tears, a mission in which I failed.

She talked a little about life in the camp and each memory was recalled so cruelly and vividly. The story of her brother was for me, the one that haunts me the most.

She asked the boys in the room how old they were? Some were fifteen and some were already sixteen, she told them that her brother was around their age when he was put to work in the gas chambers. One of the jobs he was given, was to extract the gold fillings from the mouths and mounds of dead bodies.

When eventually she was reunited with her brother after many years, Zsuzanna tragically lost him once more as the unbearable guilt and horror of Auschwitz led him to take his own life.

Listening to this frail elderly lady speak with the courage of a lion made me feel every emotion possible but I also felt an overwhelming sense that there was something I was meant to do but I had no idea what that was.

Her words at the end of her speech made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe:

“ You will hear those who will say that this never happened, it is a lie. I am here to tell you that everything you heard was true. I know, I know, because I was there.”

“You must promise to tell our story, one day we will not be here, you must tell your children and your children’s children. This must never, ever, be allowed to happen again.”

Afterwards my friend and I escorted to her to another room as she was invited to lunch with the hierarchy of the school and we were given the chance to talk to her. She remarked that she liked a scarf my friend was wearing and asked where she had bought it from. I told her how humbled I was to meet her and how important it was for our students and for us all to hear from someone who was there, not just facts in a history book.

This is when destiny fell into place as she told me she wished she knew if this event in history was shared in German schools?

When I myself was at school I studied French not German, I dropped the second language (German) to study Drama.

However, we were given names of girls with similar ages in a school in France to become pen pals to improve our understanding of the language. Somehow, my letter was mixed up and I received a letter from a German girl called Beatrice.

So while waiting for my French pen pal (who actually never arrived) I continued to write to Beatrice, explaining that I wasn’t studying German so if she wanted to write to someone else I didn’t mind. By this time we had been getting to know each other so she said if it was alright by me, she would like to continue writing so that she could improve her English.

Beatrice and I became great pen pals and she stayed with me on an exchange trip, coming into my lessons at school despite the fact I wasn’t studying German. We have always kept in touch, she is now an Art teacher living with her family in Oslo.

In one of her letters she wrote how they had been learning about The Holocaust and that she felt “So very ashamed that people in her country did such a terrible thing.”

I knew then that this was why I had this very real and overwhelming feeling. I remember blurting out loudly “they do, they do!”

She said “You wonderful girl, you do not know what this means to me.” Then she hugged me, she did not cry but she hugged me. I cried and it really took all of my strength to stop.

This incredible woman called me wonderful, when I felt so very humbled in her presence and had been affected so deeply by her experience, her thoughts, and her words.

While she had lunch, my friend and I went into town as my friend had suggested we bought her the scarf she liked, it wasn’t expensive and my friend also bought her another gift. We both wanted to give her something back no matter how small.

She was overjoyed when we returned, “ You both are such beautiful girls” but she was wrong it was she, one of the most beautiful women we had ever met.
We still both talk about her to this day.
The courage, grace and dignity in which she told her story will stay with me forever and I will keep her promise as for as long as there is breath in my body.

Thank you for allowing me to share her story.

Susan Pollack nee Zsuzanna Blau

Susan Pollack nee Zsuzanna Blau

God Bless,

Joy xxx


Getting Dressed in the Dark

Sunday and the thirty-first Covid blog. ❄️

This week has been another interesting week in lockdown. It may seem strange to describe this confinement as ‘interesting’ considering the most exciting event (at least for me) is going out for the essential food shop.

However, I mean this in the way that it all feels very different than before. I know that it seems so much harder and the little things at least for me, are really beginning to aggravate, more than normally.

So, I thought I would get a couple of them off my chest. They are silly things really, first world problems but this one is really beginning to make me itch both figuratively and literally.

I am hoping that you may relate to a few of these too.

My first:

When did labels on the inside collars of clothing get (A) so big and (B) so scratchy and (C) so annoying? I’ll show you what I mean…

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I have been cutting so many labels from my clothes for the above reasons and although this one wasn’t a candidate for (A) it was definitely scratchy.

All clothes labels seem to be made of a material that seems intent on making you suffer. I don’t remember having to cut labels from my clothes before but this event is happening more and more.

Then there’s that annoying message of which I can’t even read the last word. Cheat? Chant? Who knows! Well, I’m guessing that this girl must have looked pretty ugly because as you can see, I had to remove said label due to its immense discomfort.

Secondly:

Why are online purchases of small items in such large packaging with a planet already full to the brim with waste? Yes, I know most can be recycled but do we really need that much in the first place? A book I ordered arrived in a huge box one morning and during a moment of scratching, that was until I cut the label out which I’m guessing, compounded my feelings.

The point I’m making is that things we usually find a mild annoyance (although I think I have a valid reason with wanting to save the planet) is heightened at this time.

I know that my friends and colleagues are all saying the same thing which is reassuring to know that we are all feeling the same emotions at different times because at this point in time, it is so hard.

It also can be difficult to get to get motivated. I wore my running leggings one morning but that is as far as I got and when I collected my post from the post lady she gave me a look that said ‘yep, you’re convincing no one.’

Life is tough at the moment and perhaps we should acknowledge that it’s normal to over react at times. We are all trying to get through this together in the best way we can.

I really did over react and panic slightly when I thought I had put on several pounds this week. Although it turned out that my derrière wasn’t quite the size of a small continent but that I’d put my pants on back to front.

Still, better start putting those running leggings into practice, if only it wasn’t so cold…

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

A Comedy of Errors

Sunday and the thirtieth Covid blog. ❄️

This week I posted online that a full week of teaching live lessons everyday via Microsoft Teams, meant that I may well be applying for the CEO of the said organisation by the end of the week.

Yep, Satya Nadella? No worries, you’re safe!

I am not tech savvy I was born in the dinosaur age when ‘Computer Studies’ consisted of entering a series of numbers which then punched holes into some sort of special paper and sent off (presumably by the school) to goodness knows where.

When they came back, they seemed to have even more holes, which unraveled some sort of code. I still have no idea to this day what they meant apart from the fact that they constantly made me want to lose the will to live.

This week felt a little like that at times. I managed to navigate my way around it fairly well but there were several times it felt like deja vu, that feeling of having absolutely no idea of what you are doing.

When you stand in front of a class waiting for silence it can take a while; minutes, hours, weeks, months, you choose. With teaching remotely it is instant, in fact at times, I felt like I was conducting a seance.

”Is anybody there?”

Nothing, you see they can see me, I can’t see them and remarkably they have suddenly lost the power of speech despite the fact they have the options of speaking via a mic or typing into a chat box. Naturally, they chose the longer option:

“Hi Guys, can you see me?”

(Typing begins in the chat box)

“Yh”

”no”

”yes Miss”

”yeah”

”hello miss”

”no but I can hear you”

“I can see you, I can’t hear you”

They also forget you are there and then start talking to each other:

“Hi (insert name)”

” hey flamingo man” ( no I didn’t make that one up)

”yo lol”

”what ya doing”

”nt much”

”Guys, I am here and I can see everything you are posting, so let’s get on with the lesson, thank you”

I won’t go into the whole debacle of screen sharing my power points except to say that at times it worked brilliantly and at others (despite doing nothing differently) technology decided it had other ideas.

It has been a very tough and a very emotional week in so many aspects, tough for teachers, tough for pupils and tough for parents.
There is no substitute for face to face teaching, I miss my kids, it is not the same.

Do not believe those politicians and those in the media, intent on vilifying educators. We absolutely do not want to stay at home, teaching is far more difficult remotely and results in a higher workload through the admin constantly generated, as well as the job’s normal demands.

I take my hat off to those colleagues and parents with small children at home trying to juggle and spin plates at the same time. None of this is easy and this cruel pandemic has us all at times, on our knees.

There have of course been the light and very sweet moments:

”Miss, I forgot about your rubbish jokes”

”Miss, is it ok if I go downstairs and get my glasses?”

”Miss, your fringe is well long”

“Miss, can I go to the toilet please?”

And this…

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“Sorry miss I did not mean to send that”


I have no idea what that meant but I am hoping that the saddest donkey I have ever seen was not the true reflection of my lesson.

I feel our emotions are very much at the forefront, we can see the end but it still feels so very far away and there are so many hurdles before we arrive.

We are only just in the middle of January and talks of the vaccine being rolled out by the summer to all ages in society is at least six months away.

That’s a long time.

We need to remember to be kind to ourselves and to understand that it’s normal to be sad and feel emotional at the strangest of things. It is kindness that gets us through, kindness and humour.

On a parents evening video call this week, one of my pupils introduced me to his cat, not normally something I’d experience sitting in the school hall meeting parents but it made me smile and I needed that, ‘we’ need that.

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At the end of what seemed a very long week my final lesson of the day included this little message and yes, I cried, I cried twice.

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First at his amazing words and secondly at his spelling of the pronoun ‘your.’

We will work on that one.

Have the best week you can.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Hope

Sunday and the thirty-ninth Covid blog.❄️

We always knew the winter of this new year would be a tough hurdle but that doesn’t mean it has made the situation we find ourselves in any easier.

Back once more in ‘Lockdown’ but we have been here before right? Or have we? I know I’m not the only one to feel that the second lockdown did not feel quite the same and unfortunately this one doesn’t feel familiar either, even though it should.

Last week I popped into my school to collect my resources for my lessons this week and once more I was concerned with the amount of traffic that I again encountered on my journey.
In the first lockdown it was incredibly minimal as if we were in a strange apocalyptic world with the most common sight being only that of delivery lorries and the occasional car like myself.

During the second lockdown it felt very different, in fact when only schools and essential services were allegedly meant to be open, I was stuck several times in traffic jams when on my way both to and from my place of employment as a key worker.

In my last blog, I mentioned I felt a little anxious, it now feels I had just cause with Covid admissions and related deaths now alarmingly rising and once more scientific advisers suggesting tougher measures should again be enforced, this being due partly to the selfishness of others.
Yet despite this, I still feel there is a reason for hope because this third lockdown ‘is’ unique.

My Dad this weekend finally received his notification for the Covid vaccine, a glimmer that a brighter future is in sight.

It seems to me that there are two essential words in our world; two tiny, beautiful, nouns, which change our lives in the most incredible and profound of ways.

These words hold such power yet look so very disarming, so very insignificant, but mean so very much.

That of ‘Love and Hope’ I have repeatedly written these words, this week, because they really are our everything.

Everything we need to survive this pandemic and life. Except I would like to add one other, that of being ‘Kind.’

To treat one another with kindness and indeed ourselves, as above all, it is people that matter.

To remember that we are in such unprecedented times; that we are only human, we can only do our best, and yes, that is good enough.

I think perhaps that we are always the hardest on ourselves. I know the next few weeks will be yet another learning curve, particularly for me in regards to yet another technological challenge and although I have dipped my toes several times, I have not fully submerged myself that is, until now.

Oddly this phase of my life has become one of such adaptation and change in both personal and professional aspects.

This was something that once absolutely and utterly terrified me but now I see it as one of necessity and of hope and to treat it as such, knowing that there is always someone to guide me if and when I am lost.

There is always kindness…

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When life is as it should be there is a phrase I say to my tutor every morning, just before they all go off to their lessons:

“Have a good day, be kind” which is why I love the image above by Charlie Mackesy so much.

I too believe it is above all things. I ‘hope’ when our world heals, this will not be forgotten. It is the thing we desperately need at this arduous moment in time and sadly something I think the world is forgetting, most especially with the recent events in America.

Which brings me back to hope, it is easy to dismiss with the seeming hatred that the section of society demonstrated across the pond this week and that actually, as the song suggests, love is all around.

In a conversation with two old friends, the words ‘love you’ were both given and reciprocated but it caught my breath a little and made me realise how very much I have missed seeing them.

I replied to a tweet online, to a young poet I admire and met at a poetry festival, one who had hugged me and shared a kindness about my poetry.

He had tweeted that he missed hugging friends at these events and he ‘hoped’ it wouldn’t be too long before it could happen again and once more that realisation returned. I too have missed that same kindness.

For me, it is the random hugs I often receive in kind appreciation from absolute strangers and something that always takes me so wonderfully by surprise.

That ‘hope’ we are all so desperately clinging to and why this lockdown is different, now that there is that element of hope.

There are so many exquisite literary writings about this subject and so with the help of others far greater than I, I am attempting to follow their poetical lead just incase you were unsure as to where to find it…

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So, despite the sadness in our world at this present time, I feel it is important to remember the smallest and mightiest of words in our vocabulary.

To remember how very special they are and to use each one of these precious words a little more often, we need to hear them, because they matter.

We should also remember, that although it may feel a tad cliche, we truly are:

‘All in this together.’

With Love and Hope,

Joy xxx

Changing Tracks

Sunday and the thirty-eighth Covid blog.

A new year dawns as we tidy traces of Christmas back into boxes and cupboards for another year with hope that Christmas 2021 will be a family affair once more.

Like all responsible adults, my celebrations were very different this year. I didn’t sit at a full table with those I love, there were no clinking of glasses and shouts of ‘Merry Christmas’ no communal sharing of corny Christmas cracker jokes.

I did deliver doorstop presents on Christmas morning to my nearest daughter, not in the usual way but it eased the pain to physically see part of my family, despite the look but don’t touch policy. This is the act I crave the most, especially at this time of year.

Being unable to hug our families and friends feels the harshest and cruelest of restrictions to keep ourselves and the world safe.

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I was heartened that for me there were feelings that remained. Having faith and watching a service online filled me with the same emotion as if I were there and the true message of Christmas, one that does not change, that of love and light and hope.

This year has been one like no other in our lifetime and one we wish to never to be repeated. While we cling on to the vaccine there are tough winter months ahead. I find myself feeling a little anxious, perhaps because it feels so near yet still so very far.

Once again my working life like so many others is in turmoil and without getting too political, I so wish that those in charge would spend a day in others shoes to understand the impossibilities they ask.

To work everyday in healthcare on the frontline and to experience first hand the difficulty and exhaustion these amazing human beings face. To take a step into education and comprehend the guidelines they are setting. Never more has the Atticus Finch (a literary hero of mine) quote been more succinct.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

I think like many I am feeling frustrated, especially for those with little understanding or empathy and who show blatant disregard for the rules which may now lead to such dire consequences.

Despite this, I believe we have still learned so many lessons. I know I have and most especially about myself.
This time of year is one when traditionally we make resolutions. Last year I decided to be brave and I think I have, I tried things I thought were impossible and so I am keeping that mantra but adding to it.

Along with being brave, I am going to actively try to change my tracks, one I know will require resilience on my part. I have already decided to try something of which I am pretty sure I will fail spectacularly. However, if I don’t try I will always wonder and if I hadn’t been brave this year the image below would not have happened, despite the odds.

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It still feels almost dreamlike that I was on The Sky Arts Channel all be it briefly but I was, and I forgive my hero forgetting the ‘a’ in Louisa, but that really is me on the TV.

Me, sharing my poetry with the world.

So who knows, I need to be resilient and keep trying to do those things that I feel are out of reach because perhaps those people before me thought so too.

We need to remember those things we have learned and are still learning through this. We need to believe in ourselves a little more, I’m sure I am not the only one to struggle with this idea. I always feel others have far more faith in me than I do myself.

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I intend to try to be like less like the old moles and listen and if I fall on my knees, pick myself up and change my track. So much harder to do than it sounds but I kept my resolution last year to be brave and I hope to keep this one too.

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My wish for us all in 2021 is that we seize that chance to change our tracks in whichever direction that may be, no matter how big or how small those dreams and ambitions are.

To remember that although there are still hurdles in our path there is light in the darkness for our world. Even though it seems so far away, it really and truly is beginning to move closer!

Happy ‘New’ Year 🥂

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

It Will Be A Different Christmas This Year

Sunday and the thirty-seventh Covid blog.🎄

It feels today like a battle has been lost, that David didn’t slay Goliath, Harry didn’t defeat Voldemort and the Grinch has finally stolen Christmas.

London and parts of the South East awoke dismally this morning to find themselves placed in ‘Tier Four’ which brings with it, a stark and solemn message: “Stay at home.”

My newsfeed has been full of sadness and anger, much heartbreak and brilliant memes. The thought of not being able to spend time with our family this Christmas seems both unthinkable and unbearable.

One of the loveliest people I know has been waiting to see her beautiful Daughter walk down the aisle and marry the man she loves. Due to this pandemic their wedding has been cancelled not once but twice and now a third time with their ceremony planned for Christmas Eve.
A ceremony, not a reception with hundreds of guests but a declaration of their love, in church with the allowed congregation of fifteen guests. No fanfare, no pomp, a simple service, witnessed by those they love and a return home without celebration. This too, has now been cancelled.

Christmas is regarded as a time for family, it is the time we miss those no longer with us, for it brings with it memories of childhood and our past. For the children in our families it is a time when their memories grow, as we witness the excitement and wonder that this season brings.
The anticipation of waiting for family and friends to arrive and the feeling of sheer joy.

Our hearts are heavy this morning, Christmas means different things to different people. It will be a very different Christmas.

I like so many I will not be able to spend this Christmas with the ones I love, nor watch their faces as they open their gifts.
Tiers could not be a more apt name, I believe there will be many. Writing this blog found me stopping several times, as each realisation seemed to hit me like tiny arrows, each full of sadness and longing.

This year will be ‘The Doorstop Christmas’ as we drop our gifts outside our loved ones homes, this being dependant of course if you are all in the same tier.

I will be able to do this with one of my Daughters but not with my other Daughter as although living in the same county, it is in a lower tier which means I will not see her at all and I feel my heart aching as I write.

My thoughts have been so difficult to describe this morning, I feel there is so much to say and so much of which there is no need to express, as I am sure you will be feeling the same way too.

However, there is a monumental aspect that seems to have been overlooked, the real point of Christmas for without it, it would simply not exist!

Perhaps too, to reflect how lucky we actually are, that we are sad because we do have family that we will miss, that we do have homes to share.

We have plentiful food and we have Christmas gifts for those we love, when in reality, there are so many in our world that do not.

Yes it will be a different Christmas, but it will still be Christmas.

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And remember, there is always Zoom.

Blessings and Love,

Joy xxx

The Isolation Blog

Sunday and the thirty-sixth Covid blog. 🎄

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It was inevitable really, I currently work in one of the top three hot spots in the country for positive Covid cases and I teach in a secondary school.

Unfortunately, this is the age range that has been proven to have one of the highest rates of infection.
My school closed two days after my isolation began, this being a decision that was not taken lightly. I defy any teacher to suggest they prefer remote learning.

Having been made aware I was in contact with a positive case due to blanket testing, I am now about to enter my second week of self isolation and online lessons.

There are however positives, I get to see the fairy lights on my Christmas tree all day!

This is something I have always loved and something I usually miss out on, reserved only for evenings and weekends. I also get to work while listening to a radio full of Christmas cheer, but to be honest, the best thing of all?

I can pee without having to wait!

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Once again though, Covid has stopped the special seasonal things that make our school sparkle. I have in my classroom, a filing cabinet with a drawer full of chocolate lollipops to give to my classes.

I also have a few small seasonal chocolate prizes to give out along with several certificates to those who have worked hard, making a great effort, and for those that have come out of their shell and bravely put their hands up to ask or answer questions. I will miss them clapping for their fellow class mates at this time and watching the smiles on their faces.

Of course I will hand these out in January but it won’t feel quite the same. The lollipop chocolate snowmen will seem redundant somehow.

We also will now be unable to wear our Christmas jumpers on that last day, something that our kids love and that secretly, we all love too.

Nor will we now get to experience and watch the great excitement, that special buzz when breaking up for the holidays.

I guess will all have our own personal Covid related Christmases and one that will sadly restrict our work and our special family traditions in some way.

I do feel however, that there is a shinning light ahead as we look forward to the hope of a new beginning in the new year.

I am at least revelling in the traditions I can still uphold. This week I began wrapping presents and watching my favourite Christmas films. ‘Love Actually’ was first on my list, my next will be ‘Bridget Jones’ followed by ‘The Holiday’ ‘White Christmas’ ‘Meet Me in St. Louis’ and it would not be complete without ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’

I will cry at the same points in all of these films and of course, at this time of year, when I hear a bell ring? Well, I’m sure you already know…

As always my blog changes, I was in fact going to include different images and a different topic but I will save that for a future blog.

I like that events influence my writing. It feels right somehow. I wrote a poem this week too that I will include later. It will be my mantra I think, for this coming year.

A year once again of change but I hope for us all, a change for the positive (no pun intended).

Stay Safe and Merry and Bright,

Joy xxx

Remembering Why

Sunday the 29th November and the thirty-fifth Covid blog. 🍁

At the moment, everyone I speak to seems to be feeling the same thing. Exhausted, sad, and fed up with the world and the restrictions we are currently having to follow.

This is my favourite time of year, I love the run up to Christmas. I love the appearance of Christmas lights and everything that we associate with the season. This year however, everything feels so very different despite the fact that it isn’t yet December.

Even the pupils I teach seem to have lost a little of that magic. “It’s not going to be the same this year though, is it Miss?

Except it is the same, the ‘reason’ for this joyful season hasn’t changed.

What ‘has’ changed is our ability to spend this time with those we love, we are limited. Choosing who will be in our household of three, after finally hearing the announcement by our Prime Minster.

Now we all face the harsh repercussions of our decisions.

So, this week I was feeling fairly melancholy and a little off balance, like most of us I would imagine.

This term has felt unsettled and incredibly tiring but there are always those moments and my mindset changed when I was reminded that there are reasons to smile; when once again, I was given the chance to see, that I really do have the best job in the world.

These are the words that drove me a little crazy but they also made me laugh and smile.

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I understand that not everyone shares my passion for poetry. I always hope that it shines through when I teach this subject.

This week though, I received several ‘Dead Poets Society’ moments which truly made my heart soar.

As part of the novella we study, we look at a poem by Maya Angelou “Still I Rise” I love her poetry. This poem reflects the oppressive roots of black slavery and prejudice in America. It has the rhythm and the soul of resilience and every time I read it, it takes my breath away. The repetition of the phrase ‘Still I rise’ is so incredibly powerful.

I did not expect the wonderful reaction it received from the words of a thirteen year old boy. “Miss, that was beautiful, it was like music.” His insightfulness and understanding, truly made my day.

Sometimes I am so incredibly proud of the pupils I teach, that I feel I will burst. I know I am not alone in feeling this and I always make sure that I tell them as I believe it makes a difference.

On Friday I had several of these moments and I think I needed that. We all need to see the wonder in our world right now.

There ‘is’ always light, even if sometimes it is a little harder to see. We need to keep searching for those sparkles.

This will be a different Christmas but it’s message is the same as it has always been and perhaps we should remember those who may not have family, those separated by war and famine. The homeless, those living in hidden poverty and those missing at the table this year due to this unyielding pandemic.

This week as we enter the season of goodwill I hope we will all focus on its meaning and try not to dwell on the things we can’t do. Instead, let it remind us all just how very lucky we actually are.

We ‘can’ still see close family and friends within our chosen households and there is one thing we should all take great comfort in:

We haven’t as yet, been put on the ‘naughty list!’ 😉

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

“Acceptable in the 80’s”

Sunday 22nd November and the thirty-fourth Covid blog. 🍁

Every now and then something from the past shows me how far we’ve come, even though there is still a way to go and I’d like to think that every generation will learn from the other, that slowly attitudes change.

I have raised my daughters to be strong independent women and sometimes their sense of what is right and wrong astounds me, how very brave they are.

So much braver than I was at their age, how they refuse to accept things. Although I may have that courage now, I am incredibly proud of them both and their vehement refusal to agree with the wrongs that were “Acceptable in the 80’s.”

Last Sunday when I was packing away my summer wardrobe I came upon one of my memory boxes and read once more the comments from my final school report that took my breath away.

How on earth was this important?

This from a teacher I liked and trusted and one I had no reason not to, but why? Why was this, my Head of Year final comments ‘nothing’ to do with my any of my academic achievements?

Why was there no mention of the subjects I excelled in? My grades in English and Drama for which I had worked so hard? No mention of my performances in our school productions or my success in ‘The National Youth Theatre’ an audition organised through my school.

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No, I did not take notice of the comments, nor was I flattered, not that I ever believed that of myself anyway. I do however remember being very much annoyed that there was nothing about my school life of which I was actually, very proud.

When I look at the difference between my final report and my daughters final Head of Year reports, it really is astounding!

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So many things were just accepted.

I once worked in a London office where I was told to make sure I was not alone with one of the corporate bosses and I quote, “He is very ‘handy’ with all the girls.”
Thankfully, I made sure I was never on my own with him but why was this type of behaviour allowed to carry on?

This week I asked my colleagues of a similar age if they too had experience of this and I was told they had also been subjected to these situations when they were younger.

Every now and then it seems we do seem to take a step backwards. I think social media has a huge part in this. The way that young women are portrayed has a huge impact on how women are treated in society.

I was once saved by a surprising source, from a very bullish regional boss. Mr Rourke, a man that called me ‘girl’ and who demanded I make him a coffee whenever he came into the office and without ever responding with a please or a thank you.

This hero had travelled down to London with his father and someone who was clearly embarrassed by this lack of compassion and manners.

He was of a similar age to me and introduced himself as Andy when he asked me my name.

After introducing himself he then apologised for his father and said “not to worry” that he would make his dad’s coffee for him and one for me too if I would like one?
We chatted for a very short time but he was kind and friendly and nothing like his father. I knew that he was in a band (mentioned in office gossip) but he did not really say much about it, apart from the fact that it was the reason he had travelled down with his dad as he was meeting up with his band members.

He then said it was nice to meet me, said “See you Joy” and left.

He didn’t ever come into the office again, but I did see him a few weeks later.
On ‘Top of the Pops’ his band, having reached the number one slot.

The band was called ‘The Smiths.’

Attitudes do change, the world is slowly turning, the situations that have come to light over the last few years have finally begun to highlight for the better the unacceptable. I think as women we are becoming braver and refusing to be silenced, following in the footsteps of the incredible women who paved and continue to pave the way.

I am proud that finally the title of ‘Feminist’ is being recognised as a name for everyone and not just for ‘women.’ That it stands for equality for all, that archaic views are not always passed from generation to generation.

With yet another new era dawning for the free world a female Vice President and the hope of antiquated and cruel kidology finally sent packing, the world is beginning to feel hopeful again.

We head towards the anticipation of a new vaccine and our lives finally beginning to return to some sort of normality.

A hope that in this tragic lifetime, lessons may at last be learned by humanity. I know that I am truly hoping so.

And for the record, I have never really been a huge fan of Morrissey or The Smiths.

Just their bass guitarist. 😉

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Love and War

The thirty-third Covid blog.🍁 Remembrance Sunday

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Today is the Sunday we remind ourselves of the supreme sacrifice, of those that gave and continue to give their lives, in the cruel conflict of war.

It was said this week in kindness, that I am someone who looks at the world through ‘rose tinted glasses’ it is true that I do try to find the rainbows. I am indeed someone who is always affected, when faced with the harsh reality of man’s inhumanity.

I have in my life (as have we all) faced and dealt with difficult and unkind situations and sometimes from the most unexpected of avenues.

The paths we follow continue to change and as one who once feared change, I now find I adapt and yield far easier than before. I have begun to realise that looking from a different perspective can be incredibly cathartic.

We never know where life will send us and this has been true throughout the history of mankind.

Private Edwards would not have known, that these words you read, could not have been written had he not given his life for others in service.
However, the most important and beautiful legacy he gave, as he died in his friends arms, was the gift of love.

Private Eacott was a soldier in ‘The Kent Regiment’ when he met Private Edwards, they served together in The Great War. They shared stories of their former lives, of their family and friends and no doubt shared the fear and horror of the atrocities they faced daily.

Private Edwards was shot on the battlefield and died in Private Eacott’s arms. He asked of one thing, that should his friend survive, he would check on his widow. Tell her how much he loved her and their child whom he would never see grow up. A baby daughter named Carrie. He asked that he would make sure they were always safe and well.

Private Eacott was as good as his word. When given leave, he visited Caroline Edwards and their baby daughter Carrie. Private Eacott passed on his fellow comrade’s last words, that of his enduring love and his wish, that he would make sure of their welfare.

Caroline was eager to hear of her husband; his life, his thoughts, and his friendship with Private Eacott. So, he continued to visit Caroline whenever his leave permitted. These frequent, poignant, visits, eventually blossomed, from a promise of duty into friendship and then finally, these roots began to grow into the beautiful flowers of love.

Albert Henry Eacott was my Grandad, ‘Pop’ and talked with fondness in our family. A kind man of principles, a man of humour, of a friend who kept a promise.

Pop proposed, they married and my Grandad adopted Carrie as his own, he was the only ‘Pop’ she ever knew. They then went on to have three children together; Edith, Albert and Reginald.

Reginald the youngest child, is my Dad and the rest as they say, is history…

I always think about Private Edwards at this time of year and particularly when I teach ‘War Poetry.’ I always tell his story and when I do, you can usually hear a pin drop.

These stories are important for us to share, especially as the gap ever widens. For without, we would not be here and these men would not have the chance to live on and be heard.

In this eleventh month, on the eleventh day and on the eleventh hour, I will remember the man who gave his life that I might live. I will give thanks for him and his kin and for those around the world who continue to fight man’s abhorrent inhumanity to man.

The glasses I wear today are smeared, but through the cracks that rose tint shines, it shines with love and thanks to ‘my’ hero:

Private Edwards❤️

‘Lest We Forget’

With Gratitude and Love,

Joy xxx

Lady Godiva

Sunday and the thirty-second Covid blog. 🍁

So, with Britain and parts of the world heading for another lockdown, rather than focus on the sadness I thought I would share a happiness that I once again rekindled this week and just in the nick of time it seems.

They say you never forget your first love and from around the age of nine my first love and my whole world evolved around four legs, a mane, and a tail.

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I read every book I could find about these beautiful creatures and stories of brave girl riders who I longed to be.

Eventually and after much pleading, I began riding lessons at a local school. I remember they were very expensive and although things were tough my Mum and Dad managed to pay for an hour and a half lesson once a fortnight.

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It was sheer heaven (even though the instructor was slightly on the tyrannical side).

At this time the Jacatex catalogue was my ‘Holy Grail’ and my go to for every birthday and every Christmas present.
The image above is the 60’s version as sadly the company does not exist anymore. I couldn’t find a picture of the 70’s and 80’s catalogues which I was rarely without and thankfully were in glorious colour!

When I finally arrived at my teenage years, working at a stable before and after school, allowed me to earn enough money to purchase from these catalogues my first real pair of jodhpurs.

I adored them.

They were almost skin colour with zip pockets at the side, a false fly zip (not sure why) and a shiny silver pop stud button. Which is where my Lady Godiva moment comes into play.

I was about fifteen and walking home from the stables one light summer evening. I was wearing my jodhpurs, riding boots and a light coloured T-shirt (a memory that only returned to me this week) and heading towards me was a boy from my school. One of those too cool for school boys, popular and known for winning local boxing competitions. We were both on nodding terms having gone to the same primary and now secondary school.

It was probably the most he ever spoke to me, as in utter amazement he said “Bloody hell Joy, I thought you were walking towards me naked!” I remember saying it was just the colour of my jodhpurs and us both laughing. I suppose I must have looked like Lady Godiva without her horse.

Funny how these moments spring back into your memory.

Growing up, I told all my secrets and worries to the pony I looked after, her name was Tamsin, she was a beautiful bay mare and I loved her very much.

I loved riding her, I loved grooming her and I loved joining in the local gymkhanas when I was given the chance, we really were a great little team.

I remember sobbing years later, when I found out she had passed. We had shared so much together, grew up together really, she had even witnessed my first real kiss. This, after a fellow rider introduced me to his friend who he thought was a perfect match. It turned out his instincts were right and he became my first boyfriend for a while.

Even now when I think of her and all the adventures we shared, I miss her.

Those feelings returned for me this week when a lovely and kind young woman I work with, offered me the chance to ride again.

It has been forty years since I have been back in the saddle and it was incredibly emotional. Just being close again with these wonderful animals made everything come flooding back and the happy tears flowed.

I was just worried that I wouldn’t be as agile anymore but I really surprised myself.

It turns out you never forget and it seems the tyrant knew a thing or two. Making me ride with pennies between my knees and shouting:

“Back straight, you look like a sack of potatoes!” “Heels down, you’re not a cowboy!”

Although terrifying, it clearly did the trick.

Even my mount and dismount wasn’t too shabby and only one thing seems to have changed over these years, riding hats.

Now they are called helmets and I am sure far safer but if I’m honest I missed the black velvet richness.

My first riding hat was second hand and my pride and joy until it was stolen (thieves broke into the stables) and so a brand new one was purchased for me by the stable owner. It was absolutely perfect, a rich black (my previous hat was a faded grey due to age) with a charming black bow at the base.

The hat I wore this week was the smallest she could find but still not small enough. I have a very small head, child size really. This helmet had a rather large pom pom and unicorns on the side. Although I must admit to having a slight pang of jealously that these designs were not around for my much younger self and my velveteen hat.

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This little beauty is Fleur and I couldn’t help but cry when I sat on her back.

Love and our memories are so very powerful and it felt like home.

I had also forgotten how much I love hugging these majestic and powerful animals, how amazing and gentle they are. So healing in these most trying of times.

Hat hair, don’t care!

Hat hair, don’t care!

You are never too old to do the things you love, to remember and to rekindle the joy of your past.

Do not ever give up, you might just surprise yourself, even if only for a moment.

I am so very glad I didn’t.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Covid Blues

Sunday and the thirty-first Covid blog. 🍁

Tomorrow is the start of the ‘Half Term Holidays’ and a time to recharge batteries. It has been a tough half term with new rules and less time. Sanitising each student’s hands and desks before and after each lesson cuts into learning and lesson plans, making everything that much harder, as well as various restrictions to enable a safer working environment.

Although an absolutely vital and important necessity, the sight of pupils in masks still makes everything look sinister and unfathomable. A whole new way of life, one we didn’t want nor ask for.

In as much as I have been looking forward to this week, everything feels strange. We knew that the next seasons would bring new challenges but the easing of rules towards the end of summer gave us a little insight to our previous world.

This has now made the return of tighter measures feel a little darker and our lives once more seem heavy and burdensome.

It took me a while to realise I have the Covid Blues. I am fed up with the remoteness of our world. I am again missing the people I love and the things that fill my heart with happiness.

More importantly, further lives are being lost, each soul a person, one who was valued and loved.

It is true that you do not realise just how much you so deeply feel, until it is gone. It seems poignant then with this being Black History Month, that perhaps we can understand a tiny fraction of how it must have felt (and ashamed to say, still feels) to have pieces of your liberty taken away.

I would rejoice in being bold enough to proclaim that perhaps lessons will be learned but with Blighty feeling very much like a Dickensian novel this week, I fear it will not. Instead I thank heaven for the caring and understanding Mr Brownlow’s of our world;

Master Rashford, local councils, the willing kindness of schools, businesses and community .

As an educator I have seen this with my own eyes the harsh reality and of friends that unbeknown, have used food banks in the past. This despite being hard working and in employment. Calling this a ‘Godsend’ that without, at that time, they did not know how they would have fed their children.

I think we all have a touch of the Covid Blues and I did not expect as I read the words of Dickens to my class this week that it would feel so very poignant today:

“This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.” — Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.

As always I will search for the flowers and towards the end of next week a kindness will see me doing something I once loved so very much.

Through this offer, I have been sent another chance to share in the majesty of nature and life. Another moment to remember; flowers will always find a way of blooming, even in the darkest of moments.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

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Serendipity

Sunday and the thirtieth Covid blog. 🍁

I really wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today. There are usually incidents that lend itself to my weekly blog and although there was a memory that stirred strongly this week, I am not quite ready to share it widely.

However, it felt important enough for me to put pen to paper. It was sparked from the lyrics to a song that isn’t often played on the airwaves. When it is, this memory always floods my thoughts and it felt time to finally mark its memory in verse.

There will be a time, I think it reads on paper but I want to it to be a performance piece (although heaven knows when). To explain the history before speaking aloud. It is a memory that truly deserves another moment to shine.

Our lives are full of moments, sometimes they remain utterly buried until we are nudged by a thought or a song or someone sharing their own similar stories.

I did indeed share one such event this week, one of unusual serendipity.

My former Father in Law had an accident in his twenties, falling off the side of a boat. Unfortunately this resulted in the need for a hip replacement and this being unusual in someone so young, he was told the wear and tear would mean it would be needed to again be replaced at least twice in his lifetime. In his latter forties, he was sent to a specialist orthopaedic hospital, one which had beautiful and extensive grounds.

While visiting my Father in Law, he informed us that the man in the next bed was an author, he hadn’t heard of him but the moment he said his name I knew who he was and of a book he had recently written. I had actually read this book having been interested in his previous novel due to it being adapted for television, one that explored a love affair between two young men of different cultures.

The next time we visited my Father in Law as a family my Daughter, who was around three, began to become restless and so I took her outside to play in the garden with her ball.


After a little while, I sat down on a bench while she played, which was when said author joined me. He was very striking and quite resplendent in a white linen kurta and leather flip flops. He was older than I, with long jet black curly hair and a presence it felt, of extreme wisdom. I was both nervous and in awe, even though he seemed kind and friendly.

His opening line was to tell me, he believed I had read his book and he then asked unusually I felt, my thoughts. The author was a young Hanif Kureishi and the book was ‘The Buddha of Surburbia.’

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I said that I thought it was surprising and not what I had expected at all, that I liked that the main character was in love with the theatre. I also asked him how he started with a novel. He then told me something profound, advice I have constantly followed and adhered to:

“Always write about what you know.”

It also startled me slightly as the novel was raucous and sexually charged and it made me feel quite peculiar, to know that he knew I had read it, most especially after his sound advice.

He then preceded to gently play catch with my Daughter, telling me that his girlfriend had a little boy around the same age too. It was one of those chance meetings and a moment that stayed with me.

We only talked at length once, he smiled and winked when we said goodbye. Which again slightly unnerved me, as he really was quite beautiful.

Before he left the hospital (Kureishi was discharged first) he signed and wrote a personal message in a copy of his novel which he gave to my Father in Law. I know they had talked extensively during this time.

My Father in Law did read it but he told me it really wasn’t his kind of book. I wasn’t too surprised, he being more of a John Grisham kind of a guy.

Many years later, when my Daughter was older and studying English at university, she rang excitedly to tell me that she was about to read and study ‘The Buddha of Suburbia’ by Hanif Kureishi as part of the course. The very author who she had enjoyed playing ball with as a little girl.

It is not a story I tell very often, another of those hidden gems, moments we keep to ourselves until something or someone highlights our memory.

Life is full of these unexpected moments, paths that twist and cross. We never seem to know when or how or why?

Perhaps we are not meant to know, maybe it is why these meetings are so special?

I seem to be blessed with a sprinkling of these rare moments throughout my life and I hope with all my heart, that they never stop.

I hope you too, have encountered and continue to encounter these moments of serendipity. The brief rendezvous, the vivid colours, that add to the ever changing tapestry of our lives.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx

Petals

Sunday and the twenty-ninth Covid blog. 🍁

We hear sayings all the time, “What goes around comes around” They’ll get their comeuppance.”
This is usually in response to being wronged in some way. However, we do not always know when this righting of wrongs will happen, if it happens, or how long it will take.

When I was young I remember being upset as I was teased in primary school due to my name. My surname was Eacott but I was often called “Eacock Peacock.” Silly and childish behaviour, but it hurt.

My Mother told me to reply with “Peacocks are beautiful” I did as she said and they laughed in my face. My Mother then told me to retaliate using the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” That did seem to work a little, although I have never truly believed it. I feel that words are the most powerful arsenal we have.

The things that people say embed into our brains and the negative always lingers longer than the positive. We always remember the one thing we did wrong or cruel words, despite the hundreds of things we got right and each kind word bestowed upon us.

Sometimes though, we are rewarded and we are able to share in readdressing the balance. When given the opportunity to right a wrong.

It happened in the most beautiful way for me this week:

The regular readers of my blog will know I write poetry, how much I love the spoken word that for me, a world without poetry is colourless. My first recollection of writing my own poetry was around nine years old in my primary school.

As I grew older and started at secondary school, my English and Drama lessons were everything and I listened intently, devouring every word. I have written a little of this before in my blog entitled ‘The Uninvited Poet’ but not in such detail.

We were lucky enough to be given the opportunity to be incredibly creative, to write stories, poetry and plays. This being something I completely relished. I was ‘that’ kid who continued to write these at home for fun.

We were given the task to write a conventional love poem as homework and we were told it must include the similes and metaphors of love. We had been studying romantic poetry. It is where my roots and passion really began. We looked at Byron, Shelley and Keats and ‘The Rose’ by William Blake. It was the latter that gave me my inspiration.

It took me some time to write this poem, having to draw on my limited experience of love as a weird and self conscious fifteen year old, who thought herself unworthy of such things.

I had however, tasted my first anguish of love and infatuation. The unexpected joy and the awkward bitter sweetness of rejection.

At this tender age, our feelings are intense and new and alien. Something I vowed never to forget, unlike my scholar, who dismissed them so vehemently.

I remember writing and redrafting, I remember the white crunched up balls scattered and discarded on my bedroom floor. I also remember how proud I was of my writing, the first that made me feel I could write poetry. I could not wait to show it to my mentor as for me, every word felt true and real. I am still intensely proud of this poem, despite its naivety. It was my beginning…

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Her reaction was not as expected. I am not sure exactly what I thought she would say? I do know of all the scenarios I had played in my head none included the words “You couldn’t have written this.”

To say I was crushed, would be an understatement. The fact that it had taken me so long to write, the carefully chosen words which had come from my brain and heart and spilled onto my page with pride. To hear her say that she didn’t believe me despite my plea that ‘all of it’ was my own work.

The word plagiarism was suddenly banded around, it was the first time I had ever heard such a word and once I discovered its meaning, it cut me to my very core.

When I look back, I understand that she was a young teacher who made a mistake, but even now I find it hard that she could have said those words out loud instead of keeping those thoughts to herself. I know that she showed my poem to her colleagues. My Drama teacher stopped me in the corridor and saved me.

” Miss showed me your poem Joy, I know you wrote it, I know what you are capable of it is beautiful.”

I imagined he defended me to the hilt and it meant the world, he was always my favourite teacher, one who taught us that we could be anything.

These words however, had wounded far more deeply than she would ever realise.

Despite continuing to write poetry for friends and family and never losing my love for the subject, I did nothing with it, that little seed of doubt. I think it will always be there and having spoken to poets far better than I, it seems it is a common thread.

It sadly took a tragedy before I was brave enough to share my poetry and realise that others thought it worthy.

This week though, this paled into insignificance when a student sent me by email, a poem he had written.

When I begin a poetry unit especially in their first year, I always show the video of Benjamin Zephaniah performing his poem ‘Talking Turkeys.’ Apart from looking like the coolest poet on the planet, his poem is clever and funny and they really enjoy it. I want to show that poetry can be fun.

I do not teach the pupil who sent me the email anymore but he remembered, he remembered when he wrote poetry in our lesson, when I told him the lines I really liked and how he could maybe change certain words so they would flow into the next. He remembered.

The poem he sent me was awesome and inspired by ‘The Legend that is Benjamin Zephaniah’ (his words not mine) and I too showed it to my colleagues. Several of the lines in his poem brought tears to my eyes but the ending of his email really made me emotional and it meant the most.

“Thank you for believing in me”

Our words matter.

I have been waiting a long time for this moment, this moment that righted a wrong.

We never know the impact our words give to others or how loaded they are with thought and feeling. We should always try to choose our words carefully. Our words matter.


I hope you too have a heart singing week.

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx