Changing Tracks

Sunday and the thirty-eighth Covid blog.

A new year dawns as we tidy traces of Christmas back into boxes and cupboards for another year with hope that Christmas 2021 will be a family affair once more.

Like all responsible adults, my celebrations were very different this year. I didn’t sit at a full table with those I love, there were no clinking of glasses and shouts of ‘Merry Christmas’ no communal sharing of corny Christmas cracker jokes.

I did deliver doorstop presents on Christmas morning to my nearest daughter, not in the usual way but it eased the pain to physically see part of my family, despite the look but don’t touch policy. This is the act I crave the most, especially at this time of year.

Being unable to hug our families and friends feels the harshest and cruelest of restrictions to keep ourselves and the world safe.

I was heartened that for me there were feelings that remained. Having faith and watching a service online filled me with the same emotion as if I were there and the true message of Christmas, one that does not change, that of love and light and hope.

This year has been one like no other in our lifetime and one we wish to never to be repeated. While we cling on to the vaccine there are tough winter months ahead. I find myself feeling a little anxious, perhaps because it feels so near yet still so very far.

Once again my working life like so many others is in turmoil and without getting too political, I so wish that those in charge would spend a day in others shoes to understand the impossibilities they ask.

To work everyday in healthcare on the frontline and to experience first hand the difficulty and exhaustion these amazing human beings face. To take a step into education and comprehend the guidelines they are setting. Never more has the Atticus Finch (a literary hero of mine) quote been more succinct.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”

I think like many I am feeling frustrated, especially for those with little understanding or empathy and who show blatant disregard for the rules which may now lead to such dire consequences.

Despite this, I believe we have still learned so many lessons. I know I have and most especially about myself.
This time of year is one when traditionally we make resolutions. Last year I decided to be brave and I think I have, I tried things I thought were impossible and so I am keeping that mantra but adding to it.

Along with being brave, I am going to actively try to change my tracks, one I know will require resilience on my part. I have already decided to try something of which I am pretty sure I will fail spectacularly. However, if I don’t try I will always wonder and if I hadn’t been brave this year the image below would not have happened, despite the odds.

It still feels almost dreamlike that I was on The Sky Arts Channel all be it briefly but I was, and I forgive my hero forgetting the ‘a’ in Louisa, but that really is me on the TV.

Me, sharing my poetry with the world.

So who knows, I need to be resilient and keep trying to do those things that I feel are out of reach because perhaps those people before me thought so too.

We need to remember those things we have learned and are still learning through this. We need to believe in ourselves a little more, I’m sure I am not the only one to struggle with this idea. I always feel others have far more faith in me than I do myself.

I intend to try to be like less like the old moles and listen and if I fall on my knees, pick myself up and change my track. So much harder to do than it sounds but I kept my resolution last year to be brave and I hope to keep this one too.

My wish for us all in 2021 is that we seize that chance to change our tracks in whichever direction that may be, no matter how big or how small those dreams and ambitions are.

To remember that although there are still hurdles in our path there is light in the darkness for our world. Even though it seems so far away, it really and truly is beginning to move closer!

Happy ‘New’ Year 🥂

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx