“Acceptable in the 80’s”

Sunday 22nd November and the thirty-fourth Covid blog. 🍁

Every now and then something from the past shows me how far we’ve come, even though there is still a way to go and I’d like to think that every generation will learn from the other, that slowly attitudes change.

I have raised my daughters to be strong independent women and sometimes their sense of what is right and wrong astounds me, how very brave they are.

So much braver than I was at their age, how they refuse to accept things. Although I may have that courage now, I am incredibly proud of them both and their vehement refusal to agree with the wrongs that were “Acceptable in the 80’s.”

Last Sunday when I was packing away my summer wardrobe I came upon one of my memory boxes and read once more the comments from my final school report that took my breath away.

How on earth was this important?

This from a teacher I liked and trusted and one I had no reason not to, but why? Why was this, my Head of Year final comments ‘nothing’ to do with my any of my academic achievements?

Why was there no mention of the subjects I excelled in? My grades in English and Drama for which I had worked so hard? No mention of my performances in our school productions or my success in ‘The National Youth Theatre’ an audition organised through my school.

No, I did not take notice of the comments, nor was I flattered, not that I ever believed that of myself anyway. I do however remember being very much annoyed that there was nothing about my school life of which I was actually, very proud.

When I look at the difference between my final report and my daughters final Head of Year reports, it really is astounding!

So many things were just accepted.

I once worked in a London office where I was told to make sure I was not alone with one of the corporate bosses and I quote, “He is very ‘handy’ with all the girls.”
Thankfully, I made sure I was never on my own with him but why was this type of behaviour allowed to carry on?

This week I asked my colleagues of a similar age if they too had experience of this and I was told they had also been subjected to these situations when they were younger.

Every now and then it seems we do seem to take a step backwards. I think social media has a huge part in this. The way that young women are portrayed has a huge impact on how women are treated in society.

I was once saved by a surprising source, from a very bullish regional boss. Mr Rourke, a man that called me ‘girl’ and who demanded I make him a coffee whenever he came into the office and without ever responding with a please or a thank you.

This hero had travelled down to London with his father and someone who was clearly embarrassed by this lack of compassion and manners.

He was of a similar age to me and introduced himself as Andy when he asked me my name.

After introducing himself he then apologised for his father and said “not to worry” that he would make his dad’s coffee for him and one for me too if I would like one?
We chatted for a very short time but he was kind and friendly and nothing like his father. I knew that he was in a band (mentioned in office gossip) but he did not really say much about it, apart from the fact that it was the reason he had travelled down with his dad as he was meeting up with his band members.

He then said it was nice to meet me, said “See you Joy” and left.

He didn’t ever come into the office again, but I did see him a few weeks later.
On ‘Top of the Pops’ his band, having reached the number one slot.

The band was called ‘The Smiths.’

Attitudes do change, the world is slowly turning, the situations that have come to light over the last few years have finally begun to highlight for the better the unacceptable. I think as women we are becoming braver and refusing to be silenced, following in the footsteps of the incredible women who paved and continue to pave the way.

I am proud that finally the title of ‘Feminist’ is being recognised as a name for everyone and not just for ‘women.’ That it stands for equality for all, that archaic views are not always passed from generation to generation.

With yet another new era dawning for the free world a female Vice President and the hope of antiquated and cruel kidology finally sent packing, the world is beginning to feel hopeful again.

We head towards the anticipation of a new vaccine and our lives finally beginning to return to some sort of normality.

A hope that in this tragic lifetime, lessons may at last be learned by humanity. I know that I am truly hoping so.

And for the record, I have never really been a huge fan of Morrissey or The Smiths.

Just their bass guitarist. 😉

Stay Safe,

Joy xxx